This post may contain views, ideas and thoughts that do not uphold to a perfect mother standard.
I said it in my first post and I’ll say it again. I am blunt and very honest. So when I say this next thing, no judging, ok?
I have spent the last month trying to keep my temper in check. Why? I have a 2-year-old. So now I just need a day off. One where I am not been awoken several times a night by a screaming child (not because of any particular reason other than I didn’t appear at her bedside fast enough), getting up in the cold at 5am because my kid is hungry but doesn’t want to eat anything. Just 1 day where I don’t have to listen to the most grating whining, screaming for no reason, screaming for a ridiculous reason, or just to change it up half sob and half whine sound because I have said no to something. Even a break from the daily struggle to keep my child in clothes as she suddenly has a disdain for wearing them! I think I spend most days trying not to strangle my child. It’s horrible to say and people will laugh nervously at it but only because I think they have had the same thoughts but felt guilty about it. We have all felt like that towards someone at some point.
I realised the other day that haven’t had any real “me time” for a long while now. I mean sure I go out to MOPS, and I have drama rehearsals every week at the moment but that’s all with people. I am desperate for alone time. Humans are not meant to give and give without recharging! I just to rest and recuperate. Today I wanted to drop Abbie off at someone’s house, check myself into a hotel room and come back 24hrs later. Hows that for honesty? I feel guilty and yet not all at the same time. I can’t remember the last time I read any more than one chapter of a book in the same sitting! NO washing, no cleaning, no dinners/lunches, no kid, no husband (sorry hun) and NO tantrums or screaming! Just peace.
And cheeseburgers. Gotta love me some cheeseburgers.
But I am a wife and a mummy. I don’t get days off. I get small moments that I savour. Like this one right now. I know Abbie isn’t asleep like she should be but she is quiet. And even though there is a million things I should be doing right now, I know that if I don’t stop and savour these rare, quiet moments I will go even more insane than I already feel. Even as I type my mind is writing a mental list of all of the things i need to get done by tonight so that I don’t have to clean tomorrow! I have to force my brain to stop and be still. Which is easier said than done! Slowing down is essential to me right now. With Abbie being so full on from the moment she wakes up its hard to stay sane. Even James notices when I haven’t had a moment to my self. I am super snappy and irritated. No the nicest thing to come home too!
On a more positive note, we bought a car!!! After a year of saving our bums off, we finally have a car. Its super comfy and looks ah-mazing! But more than that I’ve got my independence back! Just another thing I’ve been desperate for. I no longer have to take Abbie’s car seat out every time we go somewhere or catch taxis, buses, trains or walk to the mall on my really good days. If that day we want to go visit people (cause mama needs some socializing) we can! Or go meet James for lunch and best of all go away for a weekend. Mini holidays are much-needed in the Hall household right now. And after many months of saving and not spending (after we have a little “safety” money) we are just gonna buy stuff! Like makeup and brushes, clothes, and jewellery. (wow. cause that wasn’t super girly of me) And containers to sort out and pack up my cupboards properly. Oh and a GoPro!! So we can start Vlogging!! Super exciting stuff.
So Abbie woke up a little while ago and is currently watching Beauty and the Beast. Its her favourite. However she is yelling at the Tv getting very cross with Gaston who keeps hitting Lafu. The phrase; “don’t do that!” and “No hitting, its rude!” are just a few of them. At least we know she really is listening to us.
Well its the end of the day, so I should tidy up, start dinner etc etc etc. My life as you can see is full of excitement. *note sarcasm*
Until next time,