Impossible yet somehow..

For you understand the whirlwind of emotions that I am feeling I have to go back to the beginning.

Ok here goes;

I don’t expect anything grand and wonderful from life. I don’t demand things to be a certain way, with the exception of when I am dreaming. I dream BIG. I dream IMPOSSIBLE. I dream INSANITY. Now I am very aware that the things I dream of or envision will never happen. So when I conjured up my perfect house I knew I would never in a million years have it and that I would have to “settle”. I say that in quotation marks because it’s not really settling for anything. We would have what we needed and not a lot more. I was content and satisfied that that would be reality. Totally 100% ok with this.We officially started looking a few months ago and by that I mean we actually had enough saved for bond etc. Somewhere along the line I started looking for this dream house. I have no idea why or even what possessed me to hold each and every house that I walked though to this standard of unrealism. My heart intentionally wouldn’t let me settle on anything or give me peace no matter how amazing a house was. .

6 months ago I made the decision to be intentional

To be intentional is to be Driven, Committed, and to have Passion and Planning. To be intentional is to be hungry and allow that hunger to fuel your passion. Even to be irritated (in a good way) and have Zeel. Which means (I literally just googled it); Great energy or enthusiasm in pursuit of a cause or an objective: Zeel is the ultimate status attainable by anything. Extraordinary beauty. “If God has given you the ability of leadership, take it seriously.” Jesus lived internationally which enabled him to deal with interruptions.
However the more I think about being intentional about things the more I get a bit of a fire in my belly, so to speak. It gives whatever I am doing a bit more of an oomph. Its been a long time since I have had any oomph to me! This universal theme has taken a hold of me and is wiggling its way down. I am a passionate doer/thinker kind of person and that makes me as my mum would say – a bull in a china shop. Having intention makes me think about the why’s and what’s of my actions. Why am I doing this and what will it accomplish? Why is that a problem and what I am going to do about it?  It may seem silly or even a common practice but it gives my china shop some traffic lights. But I must be doing something right because things are actually falling into place left, right and centre. Its making me amazed, confused and delighted all at once. I have no doubt in my mind that in my intentional-ness I have responded to God in a way that I wasn’t even aware of (my favourite kind)!! For example;

I was intentional with my choice of friends – I was given the greatest friend and someone who I had previously been best friends with but life just drifted us apart. We are super good friends now!!

I was intentional with my leadership choices – I am now the finance team leader at MOPS and by the end of this year will be able to run my own discussion table.

I was intentional with how I presented myself  – I am more confident in who I am, and more certain of being me around other people.

I was intentional in my marriage – Talk about being awesome!!

I was intentional with my home – This is the biggest one. I wasn’t proud of my home. It was messy unorganized and I truly hated it. I thought that in order for me to get things back under control was to just move and start afresh. I just dealt with things on a temporary basis because when we moved Id deal with it then. I did that for 2 1/2 years. Then I head Ps Ben say something that hot home. He was speaking in context of leadership and team building but it changed my perspective of how I treat my home: “Why would God give you something bigger if you cannot take care of what you already have.” MIND BLOWN.

I needed to hear it. I went looking for some sort of system or routine so that I could be proud of my home. It makes sense to start little and work your way up. Now I still don’t have the routines down or my house perfect on a day-to-day basis but my house and I are so much better off now than we were 6 months ago!! For the most part things have a place. It takes 2 hours to clean my house spotless not 2 days. Dishes are rarely left for more than a day before I get to them. Not perfect but better. And if it weren’t for my body malfunctioning I would be queen at cleaning!

Before I went to walk-through a “special house” as we call them, I prayed that if this was the one then let it be easy, let it be peaceful, if not then shut the door. It worked every time. I would feel uneasy and like something just wasn’t right. Sometimes God got a little funny and quite literally shut the door on a house. As in the real estate agent literally couldn’t find the keys to the front door!!! I looked at 2 more houses after that. I thought that they would suit us nicely and had everything we needed. I was satisfied and content with living in those. I would make it into a home for us. But apparently all my praying/begging, waiting and seeking won some serious brownie points with God because I got a call from a friend with an offer for a house. It turned out to be not even close to what we were after however the house that was spontaneously shown.. The second I looked at that house I had instant peace. I hadn’t looked inside, asked about pricing, I knew nothing about this house except it gave me peace.

“Let it be easy, let it be peaceful.” Remember.

It has the right amount of bedrooms, the flooring that we love, a brand new kitchen, cupboards galore, the very important air conditioning and its in our price range. Oh and the backyard is huge. 1/2 an acre huge.

Without even realising it we started calling it “the new house”. Even James who hadn’t even seen the outside yet! Everything that we asked for in a house, was being “added” without us even trying. Even things I never even dreamed off!! Which leads me to today. For all of my big and impossible dreaming, I forgot that God is the God of BIG and turns impossible into possible. We finally were able to look through it yet and we fell instantly in love with it and I loved the house just as it was (with the new kitchen of course) but as of today my impossible dreams are coming true! I get a DISHWASHER!!!!!! Yes I know it’s a standard appliance of every house these days but I have only dreamt of having a dishwasher and I will soon have one!! Cue happy dance.

And if that wasn’t enough, A wall is being knocked out to create an open plan living space and also makes way for a breakfast bar!! Do you know how many pinterest photos I can recreate with this. This house is everything I have ever wanted and more. Words can even describe the emotions that I have right now. Thankful just doesn’t seem to cover it all right now!!

Oh bar stools.. I need to buy bar stools!!


Till next time,


Jesse xoxo